Day 122: XY

I thought I wasn’t going to find out the sex of the baby. First, I thought it might be exciting to not know. But then I remembered myself. It’s not that I don’t like surprises. It’s that I am pretty impatient and not knowing something I could know doesn’t make any sense to me.

Then, every time someone would ask about my other two children, they would always say, “Well, you already have one of both, so it really doesn’t matter.” But for me, that just wasn’t true. My one girl Little A is really enough girl for me. I enjoy having a special relationship with her as a girl. So quite honestly, I really didn’t want another girl.

But I hesitated a bit to say what I did want – a little boy. I love the relationship I have with my oldest, and I think the balance in our family would be just right with some more boy energy. But I didn’t want to tempt fate. Pregnancy is a time, for me, of emotional vulnerability. At the end of the day, I really just wanted a healthy baby. I felt selfish asking for more than that.

Well, the Lord knows the yearnings of your heart even if you never vocalize them. And one day, I just got a feeling that this baby was a boy. Before the tech even asked me if I wanted to know, I said, “It’s a boy, right?”