Who? do you ask? Music, that’s who. From Erykah to Sunny, blue-eyed soul singers Justin to Robin, Kayne to BlackThought, and Beyonce to Jilly from Philly, I just don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have music in my life. Right now, I’m sitting in SBs, working like a fiend to get a good rough draft of my second year paper done before the beginning of the winter quarter in three days, and the only thing that’s getting my through is my 3,064 songs, 9.9 days worth of music.

Music has always been my saving grace. It’s the one thing that can speak to all the emotions I have in just a few minutes each. I have a broad taste in music, but I lean towards the instrument-heavy, hard and soulful beats of R&B, soul, and hip-hop. Some of the objects of my current fascination with music are hardly appropriate for a well-educated feminist mothers such as myself (like, Lil’ Wayne, for real?) but something about the cleverness of the lyrics, or the rhythm of the beat, or the uniqueness or beauty of the voice – I just cannot ignore it. I mean, does any one else get how he’s able to say f*ck the police without meaning killing cops??? Genuis. And the rest of the album is really good, I promise.

If you kind of know me, you know that I’m a singer. One of the biggest regrets I have in my life in not really pursuing a music career. I think I just never believed that I had enough of what it takes to make it. If I had enough belief in myself to withstand the harshness of the industry. While singing is natural for me, singing it not easy. Some days you’re on, while other days you are off. Some nights I’ve performed and it seemsed like every note that flowed out of my mouth was heaven sent. And other nights, the exact opposite. And it’s not just about singing, right? Cause I can do that at home, in my shower. Its about performing, feeling the vibes of the audience appreciating your craft, bringing the same emotions my favorite artists bring to me each time I hear their songs. That’s were the energy comes from.

But, alas, I don’t have IT. Talent, I do have. I’ve never had anyone say I can’t sing (but I guess they wouldn’t say it to my face, huh?) And anyhow, these days, talent is neither necessary or sufficient. It’s about hustle. It’s about drive. It’s about havin a personality that’s bigger than yourself. It’s about believing it could be. And that’s what I don’t have. So I just continue to live it vicariously through my favorite artists, bopping to my itunes….