08.31.08
girl power
I can’t quite put my finger on why I don’t like this article, except that parts of it ring, just, well, wrong. For example, the first three sentences:
I WAS born in 1982 — about 20 years after the women’s rights movement began. Growing up in what many have called a post-feminist culture, I did not really experience institutional gender bias. “Girl power” was celebrated, and I felt that all doors were open to me.
Really? A couple of issues:
1. The “women’s rights movement” did not, could not, have began 20 years prior to 1982, i.e. 1962. I could understand if she at least took it back to the suffrage movement. That would then be the early 20th century, much farther back than 20 years pre-1982. But I think most would take it to 1848, the year of the first Women’s Rights Convention in Seneca Falls, NY.
2. I was born in 1981, a year earlier than this author. Who are these “many” that have called our culture a post-feminist culture? I still do not feel assured that I will forever have the right to control my reproductive abilities. I still earn less than comparable men for comparable work. I assume she got this phrase from somewhere, and I may be the only one who hadn’t heard it before, so I googled “post feminist culture” and came across a number of results on the first page. One of them came close to describing a post feminist culture without having too look too deep. In regard to the vilification of celebrity women:
“There is incredible ambivalence in a post-feminist culture towards women in the public sphere.”
In a nutshell, despite years of equal opportunities, the media – and the people who watch and read – prefer the stay-at-home mother over a woman who lives her life in public, particularly one who is overtly ambitious or successful in making money.
“Years of equal opportunity”? Goodness, the gender differences in the very decision to work or stay-at-home is but one example that opportunities are not equal between men and women.
3. Institutional gender bias. There is so much complexity in those three words, taken separately and taken together. The author seems to be saying that she never felt discriminated against due to her gender identification. That, however, is far removed from the absence of institutional gender bias. As I can gather from my quick read of my handy-dandy sociological dictionary, for some institutional bias is about opportunities and outcomes of groups. It seems that an individual can’t technically experience institutional bias except in so far that they are a member of an affected group. There is also a question of intent – I always learned that institutional racism, for example, differed from one-on-one racism in that because race prejudice was embedded in institutions that we could no longer think of racism as something that hinged on the intent of the individual. In the author’s case, where she states that “girl power was celebrated,” it seems that she conflates these two issues – the absence of institutional gender bias with the absence of blatant sexism.
I also can’t help but look at the picture of the author and shake my head at another white woman who claims to speak for all women. Granted, it seems she is talking about college-educated women, where the similarities may be stronger than when talking about women in general. But I remember – and note that I am only a year older than the author – having heated discussions with white women about how we are not the same, and the issues we face are different. One small issue, but so important for so many black women hitting the job market, is the issue of hair. When I graduated from college, I rocked a mean ‘fro. But I was so nervous to wear my hair in its natural state because I was perceived to be “militant”. Other styles I wore at the time, like twists or braids, were deemed to be “unprofessional.” Some gave me the advice to press my hair prior to interviewing. This is something that my white female peers did not have to deal with.
There are other things I object to within the article, but after so much is wrong with the first three sentences, I’m not really surprised by my reaction to the rest of it. What do you think, in particular about the rest of the article? Do you agree with my reactions to the first paragraph?
happy birthday!
My baby girl turns 1 today. It’s hard to imagine that just a year ago, she wasn’t here. Yesterday, I heard a man say that it’s amazing how children do not divide one’s love, but actually cause it to multiply. I’m really tired, and really stressed out, and feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day, but I could not imagine life without that little girl and her brother. My love just got bigger, and sometimes it seems like I have too much love, although I know that’s not possible. In any case, happy birthday to my little princess – I am so grateful to be your mommy.
08.25.08
on university ave
My little college town has a main thoroughfare with many boutiques and retail establishments. I had the occasion today of visiting three such establishments in order to fulfill three basic needs in my life – to read, to eat, and to browse the internet to work. Short synopsis of these visits.
1. Large chain bookstore. I went in to kill time while waiting for another store to open. I remember a mentor telling me to purchase a sociology dictionary and I also wanted to see if there was a book there that my husband would enjoy. Ended up purchasing 5 items: the dictionary, this book, this book, this book, and a newer, smaller planner than the one I already own. When checking out, the guy behind the counter mentioned how one of the authors I was purchasing was one of his favorite authors. I felt like I needed to say something more than, “Oh, really? That’s nice,” so I said something about how a recent change in my life had prompted me wanting to read the book. Counter-guy quickly lets me know that this author is totally against the change I recently made in my life, and paused as if I would now want to return the book. Has ideology and dogma become so ingrained that it’s now assumed that we don’t read anything that might challenge our currently held beliefs and ideas?
2. Large retail computer store. I already told you about my date with a genius. Unfortunately three dates later I know that I’m really not that into him and want to break it off but I can’t because he has my property and won’t give it back. In a truly stalkerish move, I went to visit him at his job unannounced because he said he’d call me two days ago and I hadn’t heard from him. He looks at me like I’m crazy when I say that I wish to get my property back as if asking, “What’s wrong with my computer and when can I expect to get it back?” are all dirty four-letter words.
3. Small all-American fare bistro. I wasn’t planning to stop here, but I was feeling rather discouraged by the hijacking of my computer so I needed a pick-me-up. This place allows you to order in two different ways. The first is at the counter where you pay for your food, they give you a number, and then they bring the food to your table when it’s ready. The second is by you taking a seat and being waited on in the traditional manner. The level of service is exactly the same. They bring food once. They walk around and refill water glasses. They take your plate when you are done. Knowing this, I generally opt to go to the counter. That way, when I’m done eating, I can just get up and leave because everything is paid for. Today they were not having it. I was passive aggressively forced to take a table (“You sure you want to order here? Why don’t you take a table?”) and then also obliged to leave a tip. I therefore spent $2 more on a plate of pancakes that I didn’t even finish (balancing self control with wasting food) than I would have had I had the gumption to refuse table service. Which is no different than counter service.
08.20.08
tottpy rintiang
I don’t know if you’ve seen a certain Pamper’s commercial where a mom is reading a book to her child about potty training, but the letters on the book are all scrambled to show that it’s like a foreign language to the kid. Hence the name of this post. Only in my case, I am the one who is thoroughly confused and frustrated. Because I’ve never been good with foreign languages.
My 2 year old used to use the potty – he would ask for it. Now, all of a sudden, he refuses to use the potty. It results in kicking and screaming and “no, mommy, no!” when I try to get him to just sit on the thing. And we are using small pottys, it’s not like he’s going to fall in the big toilet.
I’m a firm believer that there are certain things you cannot force a child to do. You cannot force a child to eat. You cannot force a child to sleep. And you cannot force a child to put his bodily waste in an acceptable receptacle. All you can do is provide the proper environment for these things to occur. You offer a wide variety of foods. You create a bedtime routine. You provide nice pottys, stickers, rewards, praise, and some amount of “you really need to tell mommy when you need to use the potty” after you’ve changed the third dirty diaper of the morning on a child that is capable of doing it in the potty.
Parents who read this blog – do you have any advice? I’m at my edge of sanity with this one. He’s four months shy of being three years old. Please comment below (no emails) – everyone should get the benefit of advice on what I hope is a common predicament.
08.19.08
i had a date with a genius
My computer, a beautiful brand new MacB00k, only 5 months old, has experienced a meltdown. I thought Macs were supposed to be problem free! (I should have known better – with what other computer maker do you have to make an appointment, several days in advance, with a “genius” to get things fixed? Every @pple product I’ve ever bought has had a least one date with the genius bar.) The darn thing got so hot that the genius said he couldn’t even look at it until it cooled down. Thankfully I have the @pple care protection plan, which will hopefully get me a new computer if they can’t fix this one. And I bought the time c@psule, which kept hourly backups, so I guess it was worth the $300.
It will be 7-10 business days (business days!!!) to get it back. So until then, the hubby and I will be sharing a 2003 ib00k G4 which is fine for general internet browsing, but not much else. So posts will be rather sparse until I get my baby back. Next week’s posts will most likely be about my second year as a gradmommy of two (I was also a gradmommy last year, but with only one child, on the east coast, with lots of help, etc). My daughter turns 1 year old next week, so I think it will be a good time for reflection.
08.10.08
superwoman
Everywhere I’m turning/Nothing seems complete/I stand up and I’m searching/For a better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow/State of humanity/I wear it on my shoulders/Gotta find the strength in me
Cause I/Am/A Superwoman/Yes I am (Yes she is)
Even when I’m mess/Still I put on my vest/With an S on my chest/Oh yes
I suffer from the Superwoman complex, as I am sure many women do. In particular I think this condition greatly affects women of color, although I’ve seen many a white woman afflicted as well. What I think separates women of color in the manifiestations of the complex is that everyone – not just those within our cultures – expects us to have it.
As you know, I’ve been in a bit of pain the past few months, and tomorrow I go to the integrative medical clinic to begin treatment. While I’ve claimed the medical condition that underlies my physical symptoms, I’m having a hard time mentally accepting that I may not be able to claim being a Superwoman anymore.
I should want to give it up, right? But deep down, I don’t. Part of it is that I feel like being a strong woman who can do it all is an essential part of being a black woman. Despite being cursed by the double whammy of race and gender we still are making it. When I was in college and even since, I’ve had many white woman tell me that they are intimidated by me – and I really am one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet (if I do say so myself!) But seriously, I’ve yet to come across a self-identified black woman in real life or on the internet that admits to having fibromyalgia. I admit it myself – I associate it with white women.
I am a believer that everything that comes into your life comes for a reason. Look at how much this condition has done for me once I was able to name it. I’ve slowed down, focusing soley on the things I’ve decided really matter. I’ve started to take care of myself, putting my health first, being a strong advocate for me, which I didn’t always allow myself to do at risk of being seen as selfish. And now I’m confronting some deeply held gender and race-based beliefs that I once told myself that I didn’t have.
Am I a Superwoman? I don’t know. I assume that it depends on how you define superwoman, but isn’t that the case with all words? So maybe instead of trying to name it, I’ll settle with being Me, not connected to any myth or fairytale or ideal type. Let’s see how far that gets me.
08.06.08
post-ASA post
So everybody else has written their post-ASA post, so I guess it’s time for me to do the same. But I am not yet home, having stopped in Philadelphia for the remainder of the week to hang out with family. So my post will have to be short because the ergonomics of this work station is not the best for me. Let’s start with the good and move to the bad:
1. I absolutely missed my kids so much more than I thought I would.
2. I absolutely enjoyed my alone time with my hubby this weekend much more than I thought I would.
3. I feel conflicted about #1 and #2, but as a result of this weekend, we’ll be making some permanent changes to get more together time on a regular basis.
4-added at the end and I’m too lazy to re-label-a: I enjoyed meeting all the people on the blogosphere that I didn’t know previously at the Scatterplot party. I espcially enjoyed introducing myself to Jeremy (he knows why – I hope.) Thanks, too, to Monsoon for being so nice to my hubby
4. My talk went well. I’ve received a couple of emails from folks in the audience, and I assume that means that I did good otherwise why would they waste their time, right?
5. I made some new friends, like people I will actually hang out with again in the future. That is pretty cool.
6. I went to some sociology of the family sessions that left me pretty sad. The work was solid, but the assumption that the only families that are worthy of theorectical interest are those that are white, married and middle-class is annoying and frustrating.
7. I had that feeling that I’ve talked about before of feeling physically drained as the only black woman in the room, the only one asking about race and ethnicity, etc, etc.
8. I remembered why I love living in CA. It is miserably hot and humid around here (here being the East Coast.)
9. The T kinda sucks. It goes everywhere, but takes like 3-4 connections to get between two places that are only 3 miles apart from each other.
10. But cabs suck more. It takes like $20 to get between two places that are only 3 miles apart from each other.
Those are my initial thoughts. Maybe later I’ll add some links.
