About whether or not to write about, or more accurately, link about. When I was in college, I did a lot of work with race and gender. I really did more with race, but that kinda gets to the heart of the issue. Since leaving college, I’ve often talked about and written about these issues, but no real active involvement. Part of it is that I’m just kinda over it, over trying to explain the intersection of race and gender, tired of explaining to white women why my race is important, how I can’t separate them, how feminism has shut out the experiences of women of color. How I scan a room to see how many people of color there are but not really how many women there are. How a good friend and I consistently note how difficult we find it to get a long with white women but generally find most white men we come into contact with pretty cool. Latoya at Racialicious puts it beautifully:

In real life, I generally do not have cause to interact with white people on a regular basis. My friend group is diverse, encompassing people from various races, ethnicities, and backgrounds – but there is no white representation in my immediate circle. Besides one or two friends I held over from high school who I see semi-annually, I don’t see many white people socially. I hang in PoC areas, go to events dominated by other PoC, work for a international organization in a predominantly black department, I pay my rent to the rental office staffed by black and latina women, my neighborhood and my building is predominantly PoC – even the belly dancing classes I take are operated by and designed for women of color. Outside of my yoga studio – which is predominantly white, but still manages to attract a large mix of ethnicities to practice within its walls – I generally do not come into contact with white people on a regular basis. I see them commuting, on the metro, in transit – but my life is generally one long PoC party.

So, it is important to me to state that it is mentally taxing for me to go into non-PoC spaces on a regular basis. I find it exhausting. White dominated spaces are difficult for me to deal with because of all the issues involved with privilege and reference points. I find it tiring to be lectured at about my lived experience. I get weary when I see the same tired ideas rehashed over and over as if they have never been debunked before (i.e. – “Well, did you ever think that all the black actresses who tried out for that role weren’t as good, so they gave the role to a white woman?” Wow, no, I never thought of that! I guess that explains all those roles who are offered to certain actresses to accept or decline before they ever make it to the casting!)

While I understand how to navigate such a space, it is never a place I find comfortable and they are places where I am constantly on guard. One could ask why it has to be this way? Why should I assume I need to be on guard in a space created to foster discussion between women? It is because these spaces have been proven to be hostile – and dropping your guard in a hostile environment is the quickest way to get popped in the face.

I mean, she puts it perfectly. My life has a bit more day-to-day interaction with white people – school is dominated by it. But every other part of my life is pretty PoC – my husband, my best friends, my kid’s day care – all black. And that’s how a feel – like I’m navigating, not really a member, playing a role. And I know how to do it well, but when I have to over-do it…I feel drained.

I don’t know why I wanted to link to this, but it was just so true I couldn’t help myself. I hope no one is offended – it truly is not my intention.