Whether you have kids or not, I think it’s really important to have your priorities straight. I’m thinking about this because there are a lot of things I want to do, but don’t possibly have the time to do them all. All of them are important, and I hope at one time or another during my life I will be able to have all of them at the top (or near the top) of my list. But right now, on May 4, 2008, during the 28th year of my life, here is where my priorities lay:

1. My kids. They are the most important thing to me. Everything I do is about them in one way or another. I think about them constantly and feel so delicious when it’s obvious that they are thinking about me. “Thank you, Mommy!” or calling my name when it’s time to get up fills me with such a sense of importance. I go to school for them – I want to be the best I can in my studies so that I have choices when I get out of here, so that I can go somewhere that will be good for my family.

2. My husband. A very close second to my kids, but I really should make him number 1. Why? Because I think one of the best gifts I can give to my kids is to demonstrate what love looks and feels like. I can affirm their existence by them knowing that they were made out of love. Loving their father is also loving half of them, and him loving me is loving the other half of them. Knowing that your family is stable is SO important, as it gives you a sense of stability and groundedness, knowing that there is a place to come back to when the rest of the world has not been what you wanted it to be. So I need to work more on our relationship but it’s really hard when your children’s basic needs are still your obligation, when they can’t dress or bathe or feed themselves, time for relationship building is scarce.

3. My studies. This should be farther down the list, after my health and well-being. But it’s hard to move it farther down when the expectation of being “smart” has been such a large part of your self-concept. I have a hard time managing expectations of myself; for example, I’ve spent several hours looking for a data set for an assignment when my professor already told me I could use my current data set, although my variable of interest in the old data set is not quite right for the assignment. But instead of settling for “good enough” I feel this need to be better than that. I tell myself that being better than “good enough” is what will make me a superior scholar, but I don’t know if that is true. Being over-ambitious sometimes brings more pain than joy, but I am so unwilling to accept my limitations to the point that I sometimes deny that I have limitations at all.

4. My health. Right now, I’m just trying to maintain both my physical and mental well-being. I’m not doing bad – my weight is higher than it’s ever been non-pregnant, but it’s still in a healthy range. The issue if more about how I feel – sluggish and run-down. My body aches – I toss and turn all night because one side of my body will hurt and I have to turn over until the other side hurts and back and forth all night. I don’t think I am getting a satisfying night’s rest. My hubby thinks that it’s because I’m still breastfeeding the baby at night, but even when I sleep in the bed alone I have the same issues. I’ve taken some Tylenol today, hoping that it will make me feel better, but so far, no dice. As far as diet goes, I’m just taking it one meal at a time, trying to make good choices. I’ve stocked my house with healthy foods, so there really is not much junk to munch on. I teach a yoga class once a week, but  haven’t in the  past two weeks due to forces outside of my control. I did just get a new bike on Thursday, so hopefully that little bit of exercise a day will help.

There are other things that should be a priority, but there really isn’t much time. Like volunteering, going to church, spending time with family and friends. But if I had to ask myself what things have to be first, none of those things have to be before the four things I mentioned, because without those things I think I would lose a big part of who I am – a mother, a wife, a student, and simply a living, breathing human being. I can’t drop the ball on those things.