reflections and resolutions

i came across an article yesterday (sorry i’m still looking for the link) about new year’s resolutions. instead of beginning with what you want to accomplish next year, it recommends that you first list all that happened this year, and then mark up your list with highlighters, underlines, etc. to highlight those things that were most important to you. from that visual display, you’ll have a better idea of what really matters to you based on your past actions/inactions. i also thought i’s be a great way to remind myself of all that i have, so as to not focus so much on all that i do not have. so, here’s my list of accomplishments/happenings for 2007:

wombs for rent

a few times we have been desperately broke and i’ve tried coming up with ways to make more money. one of my ideas, which was quickly shut down by my husband, was to sell my eggs. not the one’s bought at the supermarket, but those that come out of my ovaries. being at an ivy league university, i would constantly run across ads in the daily newspaper.

even with my husband vetoing the idea, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway - despite my education, physical build, and perfect eyesight, the color of my skin rendered me undesirable in the eggs-for-sale business. but now i come across this business in india:

stop snitchin’

my master’s thesis measures differences in black/white levels of trust in the police for black and white residents living in the same zip code in cities around the country. previous research questions the racial basis for individual differences in perceptions of police, believing that neighborhood context is more predictive. neighborhood influences through social networks, differential policing tactics and economic realities that support illegal means of making money. my research finds, however, that even when neighborhood is taken into account, race is still significant. an article in the sunday times discusses these issues [although while i wish it would have done a better job of attempting to separate race and neighborhood in racially segregated inner-city spaces, it is very difficult to do]:

Yet many residents of Whitman Park say their reluctance to help investigators is based on more than just fear of gang retaliation. It is also a consequence of their deep distrust of the local police and prosecutors and politicians. Like residents of many other struggling, predominantly black and Hispanic neighborhoods across the country, people here complain that racial profiling, police corruption and the excesses of the war on drugs have made them suspicious of virtually any arm of government.

in any case, distrust of the police is a major issue not just for crime control, but also for all arms of authority supported by the government. what happens when you have large segments of the population who question the legitimacy of legal authority? what does that say about the democratic ideals of our society?

the best life

on friday, i saw an episode of oprah which discussed depression and suicide. it wasn’t the best of interviews, oprah kept asking questions based on this woman’s book that weren’t very illuminating. and when oprah asked the guest [who attempted to jump off a bridge and was saved and wrote a book about it] what she wanted to say to other people who may be feeling like she was, she just said, “talk to someone about it.” although she discussed her ineffective discussions with her own mother about her depression, her advice was still just, “talk to someone.”

people who really know me [and some who don't] know that i’ve suffered for most of my life with depression.

this is exactly what i was afraid of

Equality and equity are not the same thing:

re: NYT article

Officials at colleges without anything like Harvard’s $35 billion endowment say a rush to give tuition discounting to the middle and upper middle class at institutions like theirs could end up shifting financial aid from low-income students to wealthier, make pricing seem even more arbitrary and create pressure to raise full tuition to pay for all the assistance.

…

Donald E. Heller, director of the Center for the Study of Higher Education at Pennsylvania State University, said that if Harvard’s new aid program encouraged more middle- and upper-middle-income students to apply, then the number of slots for low-income applicants in an entering class would probably decline.

“They’re just going to get crowded out,” Dr. Heller said.

By attempting to be equal to all, equity falls by the wayside. Although $18,000 is greater than zero, if more of these middle-income students apply, who probably went to better school, have better grades and test scores, it won’t matter that college is free for the low-income kids. they won’t even get in. rather than equalizing the playing field, they’ve just moved to another stadium. College pricing shouldn’t be about equality, but rather equity - make it so everyone, regardless of background, has the same opportunity to be something, including a Harvard graduate. that’s gonna require giving more to some and less to others - perhaps inducing grand inequality in college pricing. that’s okay, i think.

its a wonderful life

did you enjoy christmas [if it is a holiday you celebrate]? mine was great - both in-laws visited for a not-to-short, not-to-long time period, and WA and AR had a certifiable blast. you should of seen WA’s face [although of course you could not] - he was just in another world every time a new grandparent showed up. as i’ve said before, i don’t think he understands christmas, but he was very happy to get some new toys. even AR got in on the action.

i saw mommy kissing santa claus

my kids aren’t yet old enough to really get christmas, so we don’t make a huge deal of it. i put up lights along the walls, we have a poinsettia, and the wrapped gifts are piled high on the dining room table behind the laptop. my parents and in-laws came to visit, but to my son, who turns two in january, it’s just a occasion to see them - nothing extraordinarily special. [he was, however, extremely surprised to see them.]

sick over sicko

when we first moved here six months ago, we attempted to apply for health insurance for our then 18-month old son. he needed to be seen for a checkup, and we wanted him to continue his vaccination schedule. since my fellowship only covered my health insurance, and my husband was looking for a job, we needed to apply for private insurance. we applied, and were denied.

thank you

my parents and in-laws arrive on sunday to spend christmas with my husband and i and the children. this has been a very tough six months - being away from my family and friends and the only city i’ve every considered home. but i’ve developed a wonderful group of friends without whom i don’t think i would have made it.

so i want to take this time to thank two very good friends, who although we’ve only known each other for a few months have become my family over here on the left coast.

who am i?

when i was inspired to start this blog, it was because i wanted to chronicle my experience as a mother in graduate school. i thought i could separate those two things from everything else i am.

but i didn’t realize how hard that would be.